The Club
I guess I'm now the member of a very old club. I always wonder about selective clubs, about people who choose to keep other people out. But a club that is self selecting isn't quite as troublesome to me. Anyone who is able can be a member. That seems okay.
But there is something strange about my induction into the motherhood club. First, I think I have a special membership card that is stamped ADOPTION. Now, maybe that makes me "special" and maybe not. I don't have any way to compare it. Someday I'll have to find some people who have both biological and adopted children to see how much the different experiences matter. If nothing else, the experiences are different. I didn't have to push Zi out of my body. Sometimes, I am thankful for that. Sometimes, I am not.
Anyway, back to this club thing. I noticed it immediately. People who may have (and typically did not) never spoken to me before, began to strike up conversations with me. This happens particularly often in grocery stores and Target. And I don't mean a simple nod with a smile or quick hello. I mean women who want to tell me all about their children, who want to know quite a bit of information about Zi, women (strangers, mind you) who suggest products that I should or should not purchase. I still find it slightly off-putting.
But what has been more interesting than those strangers is the women that I am friends with who now talk to me about things I didn't even know that they cared about. Women whose children are grown talk to me about teething rings and naptimes. Now, is this because I am suddenly consumed with Zi? Probably. But I have also had the distinct feeling several times that these conversations were always waiting in the wings, and it was not until I stepped into my role as "mother" that I could have them. It is simply the phenomenon that strikes us when we buy or become interested in a new car and suddenly find that car everywhere? Is that a club too?
And, this is not my imagination. My blog is the perfect example. I've been blogging for years. Not many people read it. Now suddenly, I have a whole new readership. Mostly, those newbies are mothers.
Is this the nature of human existence? That we are social creatures looking for any connection we can find, being a parent is just a new way to connect? Or is parenting somehow different? Is it natural selection that helps us join together to raise our children for the good of the entire group?
Is this gender related? I don't think that this happens to Charles EVER. I don't think (I need to ask him before I make too many assumptions) he feels any such "club."
But something about it still sits uneasily for me. Yes, now I understand what people mean by the hardest job you'll ever have. It is. But there were things about being without kids that my friends who had children early never knew. Yet, somehow, I never thought of not having children as a "club."
I'm still wrestling with this. I don't really want to talk to strangers in Target. But, I have enjoyed understanding things about my friends and family that I didn't understand before.
Nothing is ever simple. And, I know, most of you come here for pictures. So, here she is:
But there is something strange about my induction into the motherhood club. First, I think I have a special membership card that is stamped ADOPTION. Now, maybe that makes me "special" and maybe not. I don't have any way to compare it. Someday I'll have to find some people who have both biological and adopted children to see how much the different experiences matter. If nothing else, the experiences are different. I didn't have to push Zi out of my body. Sometimes, I am thankful for that. Sometimes, I am not.
Anyway, back to this club thing. I noticed it immediately. People who may have (and typically did not) never spoken to me before, began to strike up conversations with me. This happens particularly often in grocery stores and Target. And I don't mean a simple nod with a smile or quick hello. I mean women who want to tell me all about their children, who want to know quite a bit of information about Zi, women (strangers, mind you) who suggest products that I should or should not purchase. I still find it slightly off-putting.
But what has been more interesting than those strangers is the women that I am friends with who now talk to me about things I didn't even know that they cared about. Women whose children are grown talk to me about teething rings and naptimes. Now, is this because I am suddenly consumed with Zi? Probably. But I have also had the distinct feeling several times that these conversations were always waiting in the wings, and it was not until I stepped into my role as "mother" that I could have them. It is simply the phenomenon that strikes us when we buy or become interested in a new car and suddenly find that car everywhere? Is that a club too?
And, this is not my imagination. My blog is the perfect example. I've been blogging for years. Not many people read it. Now suddenly, I have a whole new readership. Mostly, those newbies are mothers.
Is this the nature of human existence? That we are social creatures looking for any connection we can find, being a parent is just a new way to connect? Or is parenting somehow different? Is it natural selection that helps us join together to raise our children for the good of the entire group?
Is this gender related? I don't think that this happens to Charles EVER. I don't think (I need to ask him before I make too many assumptions) he feels any such "club."
But something about it still sits uneasily for me. Yes, now I understand what people mean by the hardest job you'll ever have. It is. But there were things about being without kids that my friends who had children early never knew. Yet, somehow, I never thought of not having children as a "club."
I'm still wrestling with this. I don't really want to talk to strangers in Target. But, I have enjoyed understanding things about my friends and family that I didn't understand before.
Nothing is ever simple. And, I know, most of you come here for pictures. So, here she is:
posted by perrykat at
12:46 PM
2 Comments:
If I had known you 'before' joining the club... I would have spoken to ya... and not about teething rings etc but since we are stuck in the same club... it is bound to come up... I know what you mean though... suddenly all these people who didn't give you the time of day before - suddenly they are all over you... sometimes I just grin at their advice, nod and go on my way and do my own thing... I am the type that if I want to know anything I will ask someone I trust in what they did or what to do... you know you can ask me anything... even if it isn't mother related... it is a hard job... I would say the hardest I have ever had... tiring etc but love every minute of it...
I love this post. I felt a similar experience, this new club thing. Moms who happen to birth their children go through this phase when they're pregnant, with strangers coming up to touch the belly and give advice, so they have a few months to prepare for the suddenly interested strangers and the new "mom club" conversations with old friends about babies' bodily fluids and sage advice.
My partner (a man) actually had MANY people come up and chat with him just because he was out carrying a beautiful baby. No one had ever done it before, and it astonished him. It's a wonderful trip, K.
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