Countdown: 3 Days
Well, I've had a wonderful roller coaster ride.
I love roller coasters.
When I left Montgomery on Friday, April 30th, I cried for two days. Even though it is only a leave of absence, and I may go back to work there in 14 months, it still felt like the end of a huge chapter of my life: the childless, career woman is now gone. The woman who could spend all her extra time working on poems, giving her time to her college, even grading papers, no longer exists. And I must admit, I mourned the loss of that life. I worked hard to get my higher degrees and my first academic job, and turning in the keys to my office really hit me hard. I cried for two days.
And yet, there is the beginning of a new chapter: a child, a reunion of my life with Charles (without 200 miles between us), motherhood, adoption, and time (without students) to spend with my daughter. This is electric. My body sings. (Thanks to Whitman for the metaphors).
Today I am buzzing with excitement. Today I am ready to finish the few things (judging a poetry contest, sending off a conference paper, mailing my check for Wellfleet) that still hover from the old life so that on Thursday I can fly off into the sunrise to begin my new life.
I'm not without regrets for the old life. And, I as promised, I cannot gloss that over. To gain Zi is to let go of something else. But I also see that there is something new -- something worth celebrating in my future. This is how it should be.
I watched The Men Who Stare at Goats last night. The George Clooney character says:
I like this. Here is one thing I found last summer: As soon as Charles and I agreed that he would move to Montgomery (and we stopped fighting it and about it), the universe opened up, and the world changed. Now, I feel like I am being carried. Thank you old man river.
I love roller coasters.
When I left Montgomery on Friday, April 30th, I cried for two days. Even though it is only a leave of absence, and I may go back to work there in 14 months, it still felt like the end of a huge chapter of my life: the childless, career woman is now gone. The woman who could spend all her extra time working on poems, giving her time to her college, even grading papers, no longer exists. And I must admit, I mourned the loss of that life. I worked hard to get my higher degrees and my first academic job, and turning in the keys to my office really hit me hard. I cried for two days.
And yet, there is the beginning of a new chapter: a child, a reunion of my life with Charles (without 200 miles between us), motherhood, adoption, and time (without students) to spend with my daughter. This is electric. My body sings. (Thanks to Whitman for the metaphors).
Today I am buzzing with excitement. Today I am ready to finish the few things (judging a poetry contest, sending off a conference paper, mailing my check for Wellfleet) that still hover from the old life so that on Thursday I can fly off into the sunrise to begin my new life.
I'm not without regrets for the old life. And, I as promised, I cannot gloss that over. To gain Zi is to let go of something else. But I also see that there is something new -- something worth celebrating in my future. This is how it should be.
I watched The Men Who Stare at Goats last night. The George Clooney character says:
Bob, have you ever heard of optimum trajectory? Your life is like a river and if you are aiming for a goal that is not your destiny, you will always be swimming against the current. Young guy who wants to be a stock car driver -- it's not going to happen. Little Anne Frank wants to be a high school teacher -- tough titty Anne, it's not your destiny. But you will go on to move the hearts and minds of millions. Find out what your destiny is and the river will carry you.
- Lyn Cassady, The Men Who Stare at Goats
I like this. Here is one thing I found last summer: As soon as Charles and I agreed that he would move to Montgomery (and we stopped fighting it and about it), the universe opened up, and the world changed. Now, I feel like I am being carried. Thank you old man river.
Labels: Zi Song
posted by perrykat at
10:05 AM
1 Comments:
Bring little Zi on and I am all excited for you also... as for the quote.. saw the movie... thought I would like it but didn't but how I love that quote and how true it is... hugs to you and it is nice to see you so excited :)
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