okay, okay...
I kept thinking I'd wait until I had some news to post here...but news comes in slowly, so I guess I'll give up on it.
When it finally comes, I'll give it to you.
I have one more week of school. Then graduation. Then a week in Utah. Then summer. It should be a great few months. Lots of yoga. Some travel to visit some of my favorite cousins and friends.
Then...
I have to move again. This will be my 9th move in 10 years. Poor C has done it about 14 times in 11 years. Anyway, I am not looking forward to packing up my stuff. But, it will be really bad if I am having to split everything in half again. What stays, and what goes? I'm trying not to think about that option too much. I guess that is why I haven't been posting. Also, I'm starting to get paranoid about what I say here. What if C's employers are listening? They may be. I should keep this on the down-low for a while.
Anyway. The only interesting thing I can think of for today ... especially after reading Jebbo's wonderful posts of late... is the very subject I both can't write about and must write about... woman's employment.
One immediate reaction we had to my getting a job in another city was from a loving family member who said to C, "Well, you aren't going to let this interfere with your career, are you?" We were both terribly hurt and offended by this statement, but there are important lessons to be learned from it: 1) Culture still expects men to follow their career path, no matter what. They can't let their wives' careers interfere. 2) Women's careers are worth less. Their jobs pay less, especially in the long term. I just got an email from the college that I work for breaking down their average salaries by gender. Those numbers were:
While we start out strong, by the end, we are lagging way behind. 3) Women get shafted when they "choose" domestic work, especially if they divorce later in life. They give up social security, retirement, career skills, and social rank. In addition, according to my therapist, and two recent books: The Feminine Mistake and Necessary Dreams, not having a career puts an unfair or at least unmanageable strain on the marriage/partnership because the man is "forced" to support his family. In other words, problem one (above) is multiplied and complicated by women who "stay at home." 4) Having a two career family, especially two careers where both people are highly educated and chasing top jobs, strains marriage in other ways. Usually one job must trump the other. Look at my case. Either C and I have to separate, or one of us gives up a career that we've been working on for over ten years. The marriage may survive this separation (as I don't see either of us giving it up), but does the marriage thrive?
My question is: In this new age of double careers -- which I think is necessary to keep two people equal in a relationship -- How do we nurish our marriages? How do we raise children?
And this is not limited to heterosexual couples. In fact, it is probably thanks to same sex couples that we can see how these inequalities play out, even between people of the same sex. I would guess, but I don't know, that the salaries determine who "gives up" in those cases. In fact, that is probably true for heterosexual couples as well...it is just that usually men make more money than women.
That is a whole other soap box.
This one is immediate and personal. This one has no easy answer.
This is my view from this particular window.
When it finally comes, I'll give it to you.
I have one more week of school. Then graduation. Then a week in Utah. Then summer. It should be a great few months. Lots of yoga. Some travel to visit some of my favorite cousins and friends.
Then...
I have to move again. This will be my 9th move in 10 years. Poor C has done it about 14 times in 11 years. Anyway, I am not looking forward to packing up my stuff. But, it will be really bad if I am having to split everything in half again. What stays, and what goes? I'm trying not to think about that option too much. I guess that is why I haven't been posting. Also, I'm starting to get paranoid about what I say here. What if C's employers are listening? They may be. I should keep this on the down-low for a while.
Anyway. The only interesting thing I can think of for today ... especially after reading Jebbo's wonderful posts of late... is the very subject I both can't write about and must write about... woman's employment.
One immediate reaction we had to my getting a job in another city was from a loving family member who said to C, "Well, you aren't going to let this interfere with your career, are you?" We were both terribly hurt and offended by this statement, but there are important lessons to be learned from it: 1) Culture still expects men to follow their career path, no matter what. They can't let their wives' careers interfere. 2) Women's careers are worth less. Their jobs pay less, especially in the long term. I just got an email from the college that I work for breaking down their average salaries by gender. Those numbers were:
Assistant Prof. Male average $42,818
Assistant Prof. Female average $42,990
Assoc. Prof Male average $50,954
Assoc. Prof Female average $52,501
Prof. Male average $70,135
Prof. Female average $54,034
While we start out strong, by the end, we are lagging way behind. 3) Women get shafted when they "choose" domestic work, especially if they divorce later in life. They give up social security, retirement, career skills, and social rank. In addition, according to my therapist, and two recent books: The Feminine Mistake and Necessary Dreams, not having a career puts an unfair or at least unmanageable strain on the marriage/partnership because the man is "forced" to support his family. In other words, problem one (above) is multiplied and complicated by women who "stay at home." 4) Having a two career family, especially two careers where both people are highly educated and chasing top jobs, strains marriage in other ways. Usually one job must trump the other. Look at my case. Either C and I have to separate, or one of us gives up a career that we've been working on for over ten years. The marriage may survive this separation (as I don't see either of us giving it up), but does the marriage thrive?
My question is: In this new age of double careers -- which I think is necessary to keep two people equal in a relationship -- How do we nurish our marriages? How do we raise children?
And this is not limited to heterosexual couples. In fact, it is probably thanks to same sex couples that we can see how these inequalities play out, even between people of the same sex. I would guess, but I don't know, that the salaries determine who "gives up" in those cases. In fact, that is probably true for heterosexual couples as well...it is just that usually men make more money than women.
That is a whole other soap box.
This one is immediate and personal. This one has no easy answer.
This is my view from this particular window.
posted by perrykat at
9:59 AM
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