We are lucky, lucky, lucky

Charles is famous for saying he has bad luck. And with the opening of
this trip, I was inclined to agree with him. But, now I know
differently.

Cara said that Zi would be an angel, and, of course, Cara was right.
She is not an angel because she is some heavenly creature or because
she is perfect; she is an angel because she is honest. When she is in
pain or hungry, she cries. When something delights her, she laughs.
When she wants to be held, she turns to me with her arms open, when
she wants down, she wriggles away. At first I thought maybe language
was where we learned to lie...and maybe that is still the case, but
when I offer her something and she shakes her head yes or no, that is
a kind of language, right? So, language cannot be the root
"problem" (now, that assumes that dishonesty is a problem, which it
may not be. Maybe I can return to that one as she learns to lie).

It seems to me that her real honesty comes from not being aware of any
else's feelings. She doesn't know, care, or wonder if I am tired or
hungry. Not yet. Soon she will figure out that when I am rested and
happy, she gets treated better, and she will learn to use that to her
own advantage: she will learn to please me to get what she wants.
But after only a few hours of parenting experience, I am fascinated by
the beauty of her lack of people pleasing.

What Cara meant (I think) when she said that Zi would be an angel is
this period in her development is blameless, understandable,
beautiful-- this few weeks or months when her motives are simple and
clear: feed me, change me, keep me warm, help me not to hurt, give me
a safe place to sleep. For all the talk about the horrors of
orphanage (or group) care, they did all of these things for her, and
while she may need a bit more individual attention if she is to become
the Nobel Prize winner we expect (I am kidding, --mostly), she is an
angel, of sorts.

Or at least, from this vantage point where she has been sleeping
soundly for six and a half hours, she looks like one. And for that, I
feel lucky.