The verdict on Christmas

For the first time in my entire life, I had a snow on Christmas.  But, I still hate it.   I can hold out hope that once Zi has some understanding of it and my husband finally allows me to spend the night in my own home on Christmas, maybe I will find some way to tolerate it.  I have less hope for ever really enjoying it.

I took down the decorations today.  What a relief!  It is all over for a whole year!  My mood has elevated three levels since Charles stored those boxes in the basement and I vacuumed up the pine needles.  Amazing how strong my reaction is to it being over.  I feel certain that having a birthday the day before doesn't help much.  I also know that spending time doing things that I don't want to do (which seems to be what I get stuck doing most years) doesn't help much either.  I can remember two holidays when I didn't do what everyone else wanted me to do:  one Thanksgiving in Dallas we invited our friends over and ate and drank and talked for hours and one Christmas that we told everyone to stuff it (even lied to some people and told them we were out of town) and stayed home and drank spiced cider.  Both of these holidays were wonderful for me.  The thing is, I do want to see friends and family, just not ON the holidays.  I haven't figured out a way to balance the two things.

Anyway, Zi had a great time.  I found her a perfect little pink tricycle with handlebar tassels.  She is loving all of her new toys, and I've enjoyed having time off with her.  I'll be a little sad when she goes back to school next week.

Here are a few shots over the past week.  

 (This one is, of course, one of my favorites.  It is Christmas day and I was feeling the exact same way. These next two are in Auburn where we spent Christmas Eve through the 26th.)

And here we are back home enjoying all the gifts from Granddaddy and Bebe:

Do you ever wonder...?

I met a woman and her 10 year old son yesterday who made me question myself.  The boy was one of the most present and sweet-natured people I have ever met.  Watching him interact with his mother made me realize that he is this way (mostly) because she is.  They were the kind of people that made me want to be a better person.

But, I turn 41 on Friday, and I'm not exactly sure that it possible to "become" this kind of person.  There are two problems that I see:  first, I am grumpy, grouchy, and generally mean natured.  Second, I've been this way so long, I am afraid that if it is possible at all to change one's personality (and, I'm not exactly sure that it is 100% up to me), that I've missed the deadline.

Yet, this child was amazing.  I would love to raise children who have this kind of open, caring outlook.  He had no sense of entitlement, he could hold and entire conversation with me (an adult) without getting bored or radiating the feeling that he was just humoring me, he went straight to Zi and picked her up with a huge bear hug without being asked or prompted (and she adored him), he helped his mother willingly, and when I told him he was really sweet, he said, with honest surprise, "You know, I have lots of people tell me that."

Life, by whatever means you choose to believe, is always throwing lessons at me.  Charles was with me, and when these two people drove away, we were both sure that we need to be better people.  We wished that we could give them all of the Christmas presents we have to give to ourselves and others.  We wished that some of their light would stick to us.  We wished for the mother's patience.  We wondered how in the world two grumpy bumps like us could ever change.

Today, I still wonder.

So far... December is still my least favorite

I keep waiting to start enjoying the holidays.

It hasn't happened yet.  It is still too stressful, too filled with too many people behaving badly, and I still don't like it.

Maybe Christmas day itself will be good.  We'll see.

Despite my Scroogeness, here are a few pictures of our tree and Zi's school holiday party.

How much better can 2010 get?

You know, if I look back at my life, there were a lot of really bad years.  1989 and 1994 were  particularly bad years.  There were good years too:  In 1991, I spent a month in Japan and climbed Mount Fuji.  In 1995 I met Charles.  In 2001 I married Charles.  In 2007 I finished my Ph.D. and got my first tenure-track job.  But, 2010 has been the best year of my life.

We got Zi's referral in February.  I moved back in with Charles after almost 7 years (not counting a few months here and there) of commuting between two cities.  In May we spent two weeks in China and met, fell in love with, and adopted Zi.  In August I started my new job.  And in September, we conceived our second child.

That's right.  I'm pregnant.  And, since I've been cautious about telling the news, I'm actually over 13 weeks pregnant!  So, this one is no fluke.  In fact, we found out Tuesday that he is a boy.  He is due on June 16th.

So, yes, it has been a great year.

Oh, did I also forget to mention that Auburn is playing in the CHAMPIONSHIP game?

Great stuff.

These were all taken by other members of my family on Thanksgiving and the day after:

It's not that I don't care...

it is just that I am busy.

As A told me this week:  my blog called, and it is no longer Halloween.

In fact, here it is:  December.

Our first Christmas with Zi.  My 41st birthday.  The ending of my first semester at GPC.  And, several other big things going on (promise to discuss these once the semester is actually over and I can spend some quality time here).

Right now, I should be grading papers.  Oh, the things I do to procrastinate from that!!!  I'll even stoop to updating the blog.

So, some interesting thoughts that I've had this past month.

We are becoming better parents.  Or at least we are getting used to being parents.  I'm finding that as she learns to communicate more and more, I have more and more patience with her.  We have also made conscious efforts to stop degrading our own skills, and I actually think that does help (at least it helps me) to think positively about myself as a parent.

Watching language develop in a human may be one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed.  Who knew a person could get so excited about a small child saying, "night night?"

A friend told me long ago that she learned to smile and nod when people gave parenting advice.  I wondered at the time why that was important information to pass on.  Now I understand.  Everyone has advice.  Some is worth hearing.  Most has little or nothing to do with me or Zi.  People just want to share their experiences.  So, I now remember what that friend said:  just smile and nod.

And finally, the holidays.  I'm very curious to see if having a child changes my outlook on Christmas.  As most of you know, it is not my favorite holiday.  I find it stressful, full of too much pressure to buy gifts, and overly commercial.  Yet, I'm dreaming of a beautiful pink tricycle (handlebar tassels and all) that Zi will find under the tree this year.  Maybe being a parent makes Christmas more fun.  I sure hope so.  I'll let you know...

In the mean time, here is Zi eating, drinking, reading, "watching" an Auburn game, bundling for cold weather, and sleeping.  Many of her mother's very favorite things in the world.  Don't let them tell you that it is nature and not nurture.  :)