the seriousness of sleep

Sleep is easy until it isn't. And when it isn't everything else falls apart.

I am finding it harder to fall sleep lately. I've also been trying to not pop so many pills which means I don't run for a bottle of >>>>>>>whatever>>>>>>> when I can't sleep.

This leads to wanting to sleep later in the mornings. That leads to running late which leads to getting fewer things done which leads to stress which leads to not being able to fall asleep.

I wish I normal sometimes.

Me? Boundary problems

Is there something about me that asks for someone to pour their heart out to me?

C suggests that there is. He may be right. I have students IN CLASS saying things that take most people 10 years of therapy and dead parents to say. It seems that I may have some boundary issues.

Not really a surprise.

It has always been true that friends and family say that I am easy to talk to. I've always liked that. But, when class time is interrupted for a "therapy session," I have to ask myself if I might be doing something wrong.

It has never happened at work before, which makes me wonder about place and time. But obviously I have to figure out how to put up walls -- at least enough to get through a single class discussion.

Big things to come

Between the presidential race and my own life, I keep having this feeling that something big is about to happen.

Not that I'm a prophet or anything, but it is a nice thing: to hope for change.

To allow that possibility.

I think maybe it explains a lot about how people are voting and the decisions that C and I are working on. Nothing has changed yet, but we are moving to a place where we allow ourselves to think about other possibilities, about what we COULD do instead of giving ourselves the same old answers.

It feels good.

Why?

Why do we care about baseball players and steroids? Okay, so I don't. But why do other people?

happy

I'm such a downer. Julia Louis-Dreyfus said that comedy is something you are born with. I see some truth in that...I'm not funny. I'm also not really a "cheerful" person.

I'm trying.

Today I am happy that the writer's strike is over.

And that a beagle won best in show for the first time ever at Westminster's.

The economy, stu...

Ok -- you're not stupid.

I don't know much about things in the financial world, I know. But here's what I see:

A member of my family was laid off last week.

Yesterday C's company laid off 11 people. Something they have never done in the 11+ years he's been there. [C still has a job.]

And Bush finally admits (as he did in Kansas) that, "There are serious signs that the economy is weakening and that we got to do something about it."

We have to ask ourselves how bad is it?

dry spell

While it must seem to you that I'm all washed up, I must admit that I am writing like crazy. Maybe I'm just not much of a multi-tasker, I don't know. The more poetry and creative stuff I write, the less energy I have to blog.

On the other hand, I've not seen any good movies lately. I spent two days hunched over a toilet vomiting last week. And there is nothing new on the home front.

So, I have no real ideas.

I did hear someone (an African-American male, if I remember correctly) on television say the other night that the democratic primary season is proving that, as a nation, we are more sexist than racist.

I think he is right.

I'm not there

So, I've been searching for a lighter note...

and last night I went to see I'm Not There. It is not a great movie. But it is one of those movies that tries something new; it just fails. However, it is an interesting failure.

But tucked inside the problems of the film are many REALLY excellent performances: Ben Whishaw, Christian Bale, Charlotte Gainsbourg, David Cross, Heath Ledger, and Cate Blanchett.

First, Cate Blanchett. Nothing sexier than a woman playing a man. Particularly a man as sexy as Dylan. She is phenomenal. Her role alone is worth the two hours and ten bucks.

Then there is Heath Ledger. People die everyday. I know. Sometimes, though, their deaths bother me, even though I don't know them personally. Many people felt that way about Princess Diana. I didn't. But Ledger's death reminds me of Cobain's, even if was accidental. I liked him. But this role in I'm Not There makes an now poignant comment on the prices of fame.

Add it to your Netflix list (although it isn't out yet). It's worth the trouble.