The perfect onesie

When I saw this onesie, I immediately thought of one of Zi's Yangxi sisters, Shauna, and we sent her one for her first birthday.  But, of course, I needed one for Zi too.

While some days are challenging, Zi is one of the very best things in my entire life.  It took a long time and a lot of heartache to get her, but man, she was worth it.  Even when she is in full blown:

First Day Together

Well, Zi just fell asleep.

We had a wonderful first day together with (really) very few issues.
She is teething, and sometimes cranky because of it, but she laughs
easily, enjoyed a bedtime book, and was honestly better (both in
health and temperament) than we expected.

We are, however, pretty darn tired. So, on to the photos, which is
what you all want!

White Swan

Things are going a little better now, although, I seem to have a sore
throat and a tiny cough. The smog is not nearly as bad as it was in
Beijing, but it is still pretty smoggy. We did, though, see a bit of
sky yesterday (both literally and metaphorically). The White Swan
hotel is much nicer than the place we stayed in Beijing, and there are
lots of families running around that look like us (white adults with
Chinese children). I have to buy batteries for the still camera today
so that I can start posting pictures. The video camera is taking nice
movies, but I'm having trouble posting them via email. We will be
here for another 12 days, and I must admit, it is (right now) okay
with me that we don't get on another airplane for a while. Here's
what we've traveled since the 13th:

Atlanta to Chicago: 710 miles
Chicago to Hong Kong: 7,793 miles
Hong Kong to Beijing: 1,225 miles
Beijing to Guangzhou: 1,173 miles

By the way, all of these posts are submitted via email because I can't
log into blogger from China. That means I can't read any post/
messages that you guys put up there (but put them up anyway, I'll
enjoy reading them when I get back). If you need to tell me
something, send me an email: perrykat@me.com

We get to meet Zi today at 2:30 pm (which is 2:30 am Georgia time and
1:30 am Alabama time). We go to the bank this morning at 9:00 to
exchange our orphanage donation from dollars to Yuan, and then, I
think, we will make a shopping run (more stuff for Zi --and camera
batteries than souvenirs). Then, the big moment.

I promise to get some sort of photos soon.

Looking for the sunshine

I've never seen or felt so much smog in my life! I can't believe they
were able to hold an Olympic Games here in Beijing. When I got out of
the airport, my lungs began to revolt immediately. Bravo Michael
Phelps for swimming like a fish in this air!

But, today is a new day. I can't say I'm much in love with China, but
there is a little girl here who I expect I will love so much that none
of this smog (and travel blunders) will matter much. The plus side:
the food is darn good.

We are up and moving back toward the airport and looking forward to
being in one place for a few weeks. The best news of the day... one
more day until we get Zi.

God, I can't wait.

Zi, we are heading for your province!!!

Thanks, friends and family, to all the well wishes, chin-up emails,
and your love.

What Yoga Couldn't Teach Me...

There is no doubt in my mind that I spent the last five years learning to loosen my grip.  Yes, that's right, the control freak is learning that she really has no control.

After talking to the adoption agency today, we still don't have a date for our travel.  There doesn't seem to be any problems; it just seems that the universe hasn't quite taught us enough patience yet.   I am still learning.

I tell myself, that this is meant to teach me the patience I will need to be a good parent.  So, Zi, there you are in Guangdong and here I am in Montgomery, and the universe says we are not quite ready for each other this month.  Next month, I should have learned all the patience I will need for the next chapter of both of our lives.

Here I go: Not so perfect

One of my newest great-friends and I had a wonderful 24-hour visit, and as we ate dinner in my favorite sushi place last night, she challenged me: you write it.

So here I go.

Leading up to her challenge, I was complaining about how adoption blogs are like one big cliche, how everyone says the same things, uses the same metaphors, and almost no one really says anything at all about the complications of real-life emotions. I suppose many people are afraid that their children will grow up and read what they've said and that those children will somehow think less of their parents, will feel unloved, or will somehow be damaged by knowing how their parents felt anything other than total bliss at every moment of their lives.

I am (however wrongly) laboring under the belief that children are human and that my job as a parent is to prepare them for the world -- not as we want it to be, but as it is. I believe my life would have been better had people told me their honest feelings. I have appreciated those friends and family who have been/are honest about their joys and sorrows in life. So, I'm going to try this. I am going to try to let my perspective out of the bag. I am going to try something else...

Something for Zi. A chronicle of the real-life (whatever that is for me) stuff. That means I want to explore the complexities (joys, laughs, sorrows, frustrations, growing pains, etc) of lots of things: being a feminist/academic/mother/wife, being the White parent of an Asian child, being a 40-year-old first time mom, watching an adopted child grow up, ... you get the idea.

Today's thought: jealousy

A different new great-friend left for China today to go get her daughter from the same orphanage where Zi is living (this friend created the beautiful image above from our referral photo). I feel lucky to have met her and hope that we (and our daughters) will be life-long friends. In talking with her, I found that several people have been churlish with her because she is traveling earlier than they are, because she got updates on her child when they didn't, or because her daughter's cuteness has been praised more than their own daughters. I find myself profoundly shocked by this behavior, and then I find that I'm shocked by my own naivete. Of course people are selfish and snotty and jealous. Yet, I wonder WHY?

I expect this to be a running theme here...American entitlement. (It can be no accident that the two friends listed above are not American -- one Canadian and one Australian).  As an educator, I have found that with each passing year, young adults in America are being raised to expect more and more to be given to them (Yet another, curious thought, why are those most entitled so against government entitlement programs?). They think the world owes them something. I have news. No one owes you (or me) anything. That's right, ANYTHING.

If we (should I just say I?) could all begin to see that everything we get/earn makes us fortunate...as if not starving in a hovel under a bridge makes us wealthy beyond all measure, we might become a culture that is less concerned about having the perfect ass size, the perfect tennis outfit, the perfect life. And if we can let go of the "perfect," we might be more likely to stop shooting each other for not getting tenure, to stop stealing art/music/essays and realize that to spend $10 for group of songs is to employ a band or to write a paper is to learn something, to stop treating our adopted children as contest prizes and to feel parenthood as the obligation of raising informed citizens, to live as if to really live is to survive the world and then to make it better than we found it.

This friend told me of one person who claims to now hate China because of the four year wait in adoption. I vote that this person not be allowed to adopt. How will this person who hates China treat his/her adopted Chinese child?

I am lucky to be able to share Zi's life. She is not a charity case; I am not "saving her" from some horrible life in China. In fact, I am making her life difficult in many, many ways. I hope that I will be able to honor her with something in exchange for her sacrifice. I hope that part of that something will be a willingness to let go of "perfect."

Visas and updates

Fed Ex says our visas will arrive tomorrow, so we should have travel approval within the week (that means we will have hard dates too).

I've emailed the agency and requested updates from the orphanage. Some lucky people get more pictures and updates on length and weight. Cross those fingers and toes -- we would love to be lucky!

Another Adoption Story

So, after 40-something years of life and 40-something months of preparation, we are finally looking at pictures of our daughter. Since we are not able to take everyone to China with us, I thought I'd follow in the tradition of the many, many bloggers out there that tried to tell their adoption story on the web so that those at home can follow along.

I will try my very best to avoid cheesy music, the word "doll," and the other gag-inducing techniques that seem to run rampant on this beautiful information highway.

If I should slip, just let me know.